Essays on a Theme #5: Cats and perfection

cat

The White Butterflies: Eurythmy & Me

 

Excerpt #19

 

As I sleep, I remember things that are gone and moments in time that have shaped me.

Who would have thought cats would become so much a part of my life? Every day they remind me of eternity. They are so precious and perfect.

The rainbows, too, fill my life with promise and take away any traces of the dark path that lead to my light.

Look at how far I have come.

I remember fighting against myself or a shadow of myself that was dancing… now I have to let go.

Just to think of creativity makes me happy. It is without gratification, but with hope.

When I realise what I am to become, I feel happy in the knowledge that I have achieved so much.

How do I write with such fluidity?

It has become my faith and my light.

My song sings out, even though I am still afraid of it. I speak my truth in words. I get up early to travel to work and then I am smitten with a light that is impenetrable. It stays with me.

Those days were not perfect, but they made me who I am today. I learn to trust wisdom as it speaks to me in twilight images. I take my chances. I feel the cool breeze as if it is my best friend and I look on with hope in my heart.

Just writing a poem gives me joy and that is the secret. Can I last the hills of time as they haunt me? Can I pause to take a moment to see all that has happened?

I am full of joy for my new life and I do not take life too seriously anymore. I am active every day, as if I am filling my days with creative experiences. Once it was just the dancing, but now many things fill my days.

I find cats peaceful as they lead me on and I feel content with that. I am here for a purpose and that is what I know for sure. I can live my days easily knowing I am loved, am creative and fulfilled.

I have come a long way out of the shadows. If I was to know what was to come, it would break the mystery.

I am a master of my fate.

All I can do is go forward in the sure knowledge that I am taken care of. I have been in a sea of troubles as if I was led to some strange death. I have seen darkness cover me up in silence, but what I have found is that I am master of my fate. I can take as much time as I need. I have a cat protector in heaven and Bella, too.

I am master of my fate.

I have given myself time to forgive all the mistakes I have made. I recall some of the worst and best days of my life as I had to say goodbye. I was so young back then, the world was my oyster, but it actually still is. I can still live with inspiration. She inspired my whole creative life, as I never saw anyone do eurythmy like her. She is irreplaceable. The grief is healed now, but I will never stop missing her, until I see her in heaven. And there we will dance again, the way we once did. I will keep her memory close and nurture it, always.

I have built my life up again and filled it with purpose and meaning. I found photos of my youth that spring up upon me in vain. What am I to do with them, but release them…

I am allowed to miss her; she inspired me.

I see her in fleeting dreams that sometimes do not make sense to me.

I see her as having moved on and having another life without me. I see myself having to let go, but sometimes still needing her. But, I have to move on.

Twilight beckons me with all its force.

I cherish those days when I danced, yet at the time I felt I was in darkness. I have choices now. I can do anything I want.

I can look to the future with hope in my heart. I can enjoy the quiet days, while understanding everything happens for a reason.

I can write without caring where it takes me.

I was once a dancer, but now I am a woman in charge of her own destiny.

This is my one precious life.

 

Marcia Lake (c) 2017 – 2018

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You can purchase Marcia Lake’s books on Amazon: Grace, Under The Ivy & Beauty and Truth: Poetry From The Heart.

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